Lessons I’ve Learned

I have one of those , in your face, hot headed, stubborn yet compassionate personalities. I’ve made my fare share of mistakes over the years but what I have learned from those mistakes is helping me make better choices as I go forward.

When I was younger, lieing and manipulation was a sure way to get me what I thought I wanted or needed. It ruined a lot of relationships with people I loved having in my life. Some of those relationships have been healed over time while others are just memories of a time passed.

I have a temper. I’m pretty sure I get it from my father. He’s a fantastic, kind and catering man but when he is angry it’s best to walk away. Unfortunately I am also extremely stubborn like he is and I don’t back down when I feel wronged. Some days I wish I had a calmer personality like my mother and I am working on it. My temper and stubborn nature has also ruined a lot of relationships. 

These personality traits are difficult ones to live with. I care deeply and I feel deeply and I truly love everyone so I am listening more and speaking less and making an effort to re-build some of the relationships that have been lost!

Having roommates does not work for me. It’s one thing when you live with family but it’s different when you live with friends or even people you just started rooming with. My first roommate actually drove me completely crazy and I was extremely happy when we parted ways. We still talk occasionally and are even Facebook friends but other then the occasional friendly chit chat if we happen to run into each other or the like or comment of a Facebook post, we really don’t have a relationship anymore. We have very diffferent lifestyles and we now live 8 hours apart so that plays a huge factor. My 2nd roommate was somebody I met through childcare. I had looked after her son when she went out of town, we built a friendship and were quite close. We traveled together, shared holidays and special occasions together and then one day she moved away. One day we decided to become roommates and go into business together. This was a big mistake. Personalities and ideas about how the business should be run amongst other things destroyed our relationship. We haven’t spoken in quite a few years now and there days that I miss her terribly. I do have to say that I have had one roommate that I loved and still love. My best friend and her family moved in with my temporarily. Although it had its issues truly loved haveing her around. When we needed each other all we had to do was walk into the next room or wait until the other person got home… I didn’t even mind that her husband and their kids even lived with us… We are more then friends, we are family. 

I’ve said and done some stupid things and made some poor choices but I have accepted them, learned from them and I am moving on confidently and passionately and even mending some broken bridges along the way all with God’s help!


Reflections of 2016

2016 was one of those years where so many people, myself included, felt overwhelmed and, many times, lost in an emotional journey. The year was hit hard with loss on a personal level as well as a public one but it’s also had moments of great triumph.

Living in Kamloops I brought in this year with good friends, and although I was looking forward to a year of great things after an emotional roller coaster that was 2015, it became a year of great learning as I overcame obstacles and challenges thrown my way. 

I still remember the day I got the call from my cousin that her brother had died in a car accident and then later that day my mom calling to tell me my grandpa had passed away. It was like a Mack truck rammed me so hard in the chest that I could hardly breath. Little did I know these deaths would completely alter the course of my journey. Instead of moving to Fort Mac I ended up back in my home town and Have spent more time listening to God.

My daughter had been homeschooled for so much of her life that the choice to allow her to return to public school for grade 8 was very hard on me. I do believe she is right where she needs to be at this point in her young life. My career has altered slightly, I left childcare and now I have the challenge and joy of working with ASD Children. I learn something new ever day and I absolutely love it. It’s different then just working with my own ASD child. I left the Church I thought I was supposed be part of and ended up in a a place where I can feel God on such a deep level that it can become overwhelming sometimes. Financially it hasn’t been easy but that’s ok. I am making it work the best I can. Although things aren’t exactly how I pictured they would be I know I’m ok and I know my child is ok (even if she is driving me crazy some days) and that’s really all that matters. It’s funny to think that I thought I knew where I was headed and God said “nope, time to go this way!” 

I used to be of the mindset that “God only gives us what we can handle” but this year changed that for me as I really have taken the time to listen to him. He uses trials as a teaching moment and waits for us to ask him for help because we can’t go through life without him. He is a good father who, like any good parent, wants nothing but the best for us but we have to trust him and ask him for guidance and help because that’s what parents are for.

As 2016 is coming to an end I look back and can see the learnnng that has taken place through the loss and through the times of great joy. Relationships have ended, new friendships have been formed and through it all I have come out the other side a stronger, better me! I will go into 2017 knowing the importance of real, healthy relationships, cutting out toxic ones, and plan on spending the year accumulating less “stuff” and creating more memories with the people who are important in my life. 

My prayer for you is this. May God bless you with memories of great joy. May your heart be filled with love. May you spend more time laughing and less time hurting. May you be surrounded by people that enhance your life. May you reach out and help others without hesitation whenever you can. May broken relationships with family be healed. May 2017 be a year of listening to God and following where he leads and when you are feeling overwhelmed, may you call out to God and ask him to help you through the difficult time. May you remember to be thankful through all the good and the bad and know that God’s plan is always greater then ours!

Happy New Year!

Being a Single Mom (Where are we Now?)

After doing this for 10 years, with a brief stop over in a the world of having a husband, step kids and a foster child, I am happy to say that I am till kicking. Some days are a struggle to stay sane but I am thankful for the little things and I think that helps. My daughter has this amazing bubbly personality that keeps me smiling most days. 

The stop over in blended family land made me realize that things are tough with two completely different parenting styles and entering the lives of children who have not had their other parent in their lives much. Parenting differences was one of the biggest head buts in our relationship I think. This factor combined with many other accpects cause our relationship to end. I still talk to my step children and refuse to treat them any differently then I treat my own flesh and blood. They have helped me learn things I never knew about myself and when your husband is gone a lot you learn patients which is very key when there are any sometimes up to 8  or 9 kids between 9 and 15 running around your house 2 dogs, 2 cats and whatever critter the kids have found that day and brought home. I have to say I loved every minute of it (even the moments i wanted to scream I miss).

My house now is back to one child and a mouse and it’s way to quiet most days. I think when we head back out to the country my daughter will re-connect with the friends she left behind and she is going to make many new friends through activities with other homeschooling families. It’s been an adjustment that’s for sure but we are going to be closer to her step siblings again and this will give us the opportunity to spend time with them whenever they want.

For me the hardest part about being a single mom isn’t so much that I am both mom and dad but is more that I am alone. There isn’t anybody to take over when you need a break but I guess maybe I don’t mind so much. i get to be part of every important moment in my childs life. I don’t have to ask another person  how they feel about a pet, schooling, activities  vacations, I get to decide all of that with my child and don’t have to worry about butting heads with another parent who might have a different idea of what we should do with our child because their is no “our” shes just mine!

I draw my strength from God. prayer is a powerful thing and I am thankful for the relationship I have with him. I know I can do this!